Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
