This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
