I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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