im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
