Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
