i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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