she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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