oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So much rum. So many feels.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
