I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
