I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
