very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
