Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
