You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
