I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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