i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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