oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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