Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
