i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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