That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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