Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
