quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
