Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
