i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize