dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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