his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
