My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
