It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my shit smells like andre
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
