you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
