So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
