So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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