I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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