If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we made out on top of his cat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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