he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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