2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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