OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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