how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
