he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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