There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
