explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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