conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
