who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
