you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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