Me too!
I can text with my tongue
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
