I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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