I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
