Screwed.edu
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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