What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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