They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
