I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
