im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
