So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
