i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
