so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pants are for mortals
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
