you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
