Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
