I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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