ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
love makes seman taste better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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