I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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