I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
