The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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