physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
