I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
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They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.