break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.