I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!