I think I won the penis lottery.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
