Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
