I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
