At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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