I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
