my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
