I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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