how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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