I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize