dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
