If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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