did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
