You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
