party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Of course I have a pirate flag
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
